Today we had a snow day. We shouldn’t have, but I’m not going to complain one iota. I needed it. Call it a recentering day, if you will.
Monday evening I learned that I had not received a job offer for a position that I really wanted. REALLY wanted. I’m not devastated, mind you, but I am incredibly disappointed. Don’t get me wrong, I love my job. . . there are just certain aspects of my job that have destroyed me from the inside out for the past, well, since my third year here. I’ve either been too afraid to change it, not willing to take the positions (locations) offered to me, or for some other reason–unable to move. Once a person is tenured, it’s nearly impossible to move. I thought with the five books in six years, the last two having won awards, I would never look as good to potential employers. Finding a job in this profession is sometimes just a crapshoot. They may advertise one thing, but hire in a completely different field (do to administration/faculty political infighting). Or they may choose the newbie that they can mold in their own image, instead of someone who has been pre-molded. Or they might just not like where I went to grad school. You never, ever know. I’ve been on search committees, and I know how it works.
My profession is impossible to describe to someone on the outside, let’s just say when the stakes are lower (as they are in education), the fighting and weirdness can be devastating. I had hoped to start all over on the tenure and promotion track–like a newbie–and I would have been paid more as a starting faculty at this other place than I make now after being promoted as high as I can go (and after 17 years teaching here). This time, it wasn’t about the money. Not even remotely.
I digress. Sorry, it has really weighed on my mind, caused me to pull back from training a bit, and I have over-eaten this week as a result. Back on the bandwagon!
Unfortunately, Tuesday the weather folks announced a walloping storm galloping our direction. So much for the 50 degree days, eh? I began mentally preparing for the storm, the darkness, the cold, the continuing winter of hibernation and indoor activity. Booo.
I swam Tuesday morning.
Wednesday, my annoying (sorry, Dulce) dog–when she chooses not to sleep in her kennel–has been waking me up every morning around 3:30, then about every 20-30 minutes from that point until I get out of bed. I usually get up at 6:30am or so. Well, Wednesday I was so pissed off I just got up and started grading papers. We only have one car for a while, so we have to carpool—which is fine, but my honey counts pollen for the city every day at 8. Even when I don’t have to go in until 10:00am, I have to be there early to take him. So, Wednesday I was tired, depressed, grumpy, and had a headache from all the busy-ness of the day.
Thursday, today, the university called for a snow day (yay!) because we were supposed to have over 10″ by early afternoon. It didn’t happen. Heck, it didn’t even start to snow until after 10:00am! I just did the snowblowing an hour ago and we only had about 3-4″, maybe. It’s still snowing. More tonight, but only 5-8″. I doubt the university will jump to cancel classes so quickly for tomorrow. The weather folks blew that!
After trying to ignore my annoying dog from about 4:15 on, I finally gave in and took her outside at 5:30 and checked the news. NO SCHOOL! By 6:15am, I had dragged my sweetie to the gym for some workout time! I couldn’t get him to stay long, just long enough for me to do 3 miles on the treadmill. I wish I could have stayed longer to do strength training, or at least core exercises. Oh well. Next time he can wait. 
So tomorrow I will probably drive to school in treacherous, snowy streets, because our administration felt guilty about cancelling today. Sigh. That’s okay. I just give exams. In the afternoon I’ll hit my bike trainer and crank out some miles.
In the meantime, I’m trying to find that positive center again. Perhaps thinking forward to my fiftieth birthday in December. Yes. I’m old. Someone said, “what do you want for your birthday?”
Without hesitation, this popped out of my mouth–surprising even myself a little bit: “A Gallery Show of my photography!”
I need to make that happen. Maybe that’s my ticket. Maybe.
In the meantime, all of you blogger-friends, I’m eating up your training and motivational blogs because I need them right now. So keep them coming. I love y’all, I really do.
[maybe I'm also a little depressed because I may not make my fundraising goal for the book about my Dad's journey into Alzheimer's. . . that has to be my number one goal until the deadline: march 3]
In the meantime, I have another race in just over 30 days! I am so excited because I hear that not only do they have a great shwag bag, but my HUBBY is going to do it with me (well, on the same day–we won’t be “with” each other!). Yay!
Sorry to hear about the work challenges. Sounds incredibly frustrating.
It is. But I have to figure out something long term or I need to do something else with my life.
Sending you a BIG hug for all of it. And, BTW, 50 is not old! We both turn 50 in December and I’m thinking I’m still a youngin’!!!
Thanks! I agree! 50 is the new, well 50! Cuz it ain’t old no mo!!!
Wow, how disappointing! I can understand, my Dad was in the University system, he was always frustrated. I hope you can find what you want! Don’t give up!! I find that running and biking are stress relievers! And certainly 50 is NOT old…says Grandma (59 in April)!!!!
I get frustrated, but it’s almost never at students, it’s always with either admin or colleagues. I just need to re-adjust my own attitude and learn how to cope. They’re not retiring any time soon. . . although admin usually leaves after 3 or so years (they are itinerant indeed!)