But I am back.
Today I ran outside. OUTSIDE, I say! And I am still breathing.
If you have never had an asthma attack, thank your lucky stars. I’ve had them five out of the past seven days and I tell you what, it hurts. I am so flipping happy that I could run (okay, jog–with breaks) today that I really don’t care how slow I went. And boy did I go slow!
And you can see by my heart rate, even with the slow pace, I had difficulties–but still. I got to “run”!
I have to admit, reading all of the triathlete and runner blogs out there and thinking how I used to look and how well I used to move, I get really depressed sometimes. I used to be so much better, faster, thinner, capable, etc. Now I’m older, fatter, and I find it difficult sometimes to get over this ginormous mental hurdle. I thought making the Promise to Dad would get me over the hump, but so many roadblocks came along–and I let them block me.
It is such a mental game, this health thing. Sometimes hurdling is a very physical thing (illnesses, asthma, etc), but in the end it comes to this: I have to meet me where I am.
During my Dad’s decent into Alzheimer’s, my husband used to tell mom and me, “meet him where he is”.
I need to give myself that gift too. I cannot keep expecting to perform like I did when I was 30 right now. I may make it back to that ability, I may not. But I never will if I don’t cut myself some slack and give myself a chance to work back slowly. The past two years have been filled with great accomplishments and major setbacks–all self-induced because I refused to meet me where I am.
So, meet me. Here I am. I weigh over 200 pounds.
I am slow. I am trying.
And I will meet me where I am.
Thanks for being part of this journey.