And I Am Slow . . .

But I am back.

Today I ran outside.  OUTSIDE, I say!  And I am still breathing.

If you have never had an asthma attack, thank your lucky stars.  I’ve had them five out of the past seven days and I tell you what, it hurts.  I am so flipping happy that I could run (okay, jog–with breaks) today that I really don’t care how slow I went.  And boy did I go slow!

And you can see by my heart rate, even with the slow pace, I had difficulties–but still.  I got to “run”!

I have to admit, reading all of the triathlete and runner blogs out there and thinking how I used to look and how well I used to move, I get really depressed sometimes.  I used to be so much better, faster, thinner, capable, etc.  Now I’m older, fatter, and I find it difficult sometimes to get over this ginormous mental hurdle.  I thought making the Promise to Dad would get me over the hump, but so many roadblocks came along–and I let them block me.

It is such a mental game, this health thing.  Sometimes hurdling is a very physical thing (illnesses, asthma, etc), but in the end it comes to this:  I have to meet me where I am. 

During my Dad’s decent into Alzheimer’s, my husband used to tell mom and me, “meet him where he is”.
I need to give myself that gift too.  I cannot keep expecting to perform like I did when I was 30 right now.  I may make it back to that ability, I may not.  But I never will if I don’t cut myself some slack and give myself a chance to work back slowly.  The past two years have been filled with great accomplishments and major setbacks–all self-induced because I refused to meet me where I am.

 

So, meet me.  Here I am.  I weigh over 200 pounds.

 

I am slow.  I am trying.

And I will meet me where I am.

Thanks for being part of this journey.

Attack!

What a frustrating two days for training.  I love reading everyone’s blogs out there, the great advances they’re making, the progress they feel and see in their own numbers, and I am motivated by them all.  Thank you!  I wish I could report the same.

Yesterday evening I ran on the treadmill.   Well, I tried.

I couldn’t keep my heart rate under 150 without walking about .5 of every mile.  I barely made it 3.1 miles before I had to quit.  Shortness of breath, chest pains.  Bad scene.  Stupid pollen.

In the evening, I had about 3 hours worth of asthma attacks.  Here’s why.

Man that hurts.  Apparently, we did hit the record high for tree pollen since my hubby started keeping records in 1992.

So today I thought I’d swim.

700 yards and I began to have chest pains, so I had to quit.  I learned from yesterday that pushing myself right now is not worth the risk.  Frustrating, though, because today was supposed to be my long day.  I came home and mowed the yard, but I probably should not have done that, either.  My headache is a new addition to my suffering this morning.  I’m really disappointed that I could not ride my bike to school today, but I think that would have put me over the edge.

Does anyone else out there suffer from asthma that could give me some good advice?  I’m relatively new to asthma (or at least realizing that I have asthma), and am trying to read as much as I can about it–and how to avoid the worst symptoms.

It’s SO frustrating, wanting to get outside and run and ride–and not being able to without pain and suffering.

Monday Monday: UPDATE

Monday was a better day than expected.

After one final exam, I had time to take my girl on a little walk before it got too hot (apparently we skipped Spring–it will be 94 today), then headed back to campus for more exams.  In the evening, I got to play a round of golf with my women’s league.  We have *way* too much fun–and actually got “shushed” by some interesting boys.  I think they thought they were professionals, but after shushing us, we all (about 12 of us) stood and watched them hit.  They all chunked.  Karma.

Stayed out a bit late last night, which made this morning a bit of a rush.

Pedicure at 10:00am with my step-daughter and her mother-in-law (she is from Colombia to help them move to Indiana from here in town, sad face).  Then home to grade and hit the treadmill for a run.  Unfortunately the pollen is a bit over the top making outside running actually a little hazardous for me.  Hopefully the pollen will calm down a bit in a week or two so I can hit the roads soon.

UPDATED:

This is the problem.  Seriously, this is the highest tree pollen has been for year (although oak has had higher numbers–just last year).  No wonder why I am suffering.  We missed Spring somehow.  It’s 96 right now (2:00pm)

The End. . .

No, I’m not ending the blog, although I should because I’m letting my Dad down by not losing weight–and I’ve been too busy to post.

The end of classes for a ridiculously busy year is at hand.  Finals this coming week, then done!  For three weeks until an online course.  Then done!

Workouts?  I ignored my lower back pain the past few days and did the following:

Swim Thursday (800 yards, I was fatigued and couldn’t push myself much farther).

Walked Dulce Friday (had to finish working).  Funny thing, asthma.  I had my heart rate monitor on and inside, my HR was about 72 while I was getting my shoes tied, Dulce’s leash on, and grabbing a poopy-bag.  I stepped outside and I just watch my Garmin indicated my HR jumping.  Every second the BPM went up until it hit 110.  While I was just standing there.  That’s why I walked instead of trying to run.  Asthma sucks.

Running on a treadmill on Saturday . . . my “get back into it, dammit” 2 mile run with little walking breaks.  I also took a 2.5 mile walk back from mom’s house, as well.

Today?  Hopefully some cycling.  I wanted to go yesterday, but just going

Thinking Positive

So I have this Triathlon Sunday.

I am not nervous about it.  I will do it.  I will finish it.  But I will not beat my time from last year–which was my goal in January when I signed up.

Then I had the opportunity to present some research in Las Vegas at a conference the first weekend in April.

Then I had a three-day outing planned with my class in Kansas.

Then I had the opportunity to go to another conference in Las Cruces (and you may remember, I got marooned in Denver in a blizzard).  You see some pretty ingenious parents with kids stuck at an airport.

I was gone on average four days out of every seven this month until this week.  This week I spent catching up at work (and still being behind).

We’ve had uncooperative weather so far this year (snow, ice, horrendous winds).

“Excuses are for losers”, my coach used to say.  Indeed.  Every trip except Kansas, I found a way to run.  No pools, but I did exercises.  No bicycle opportunities, unfortunately, so I walked as much as I could (putting on six miles at the Denver airport the day of the blizzard).

Last year on this date:

Swim:  9.40 miles
Bike:  184.54
Run:  56.03 miles

While I did get more bike miles in last year (I was doing great until this month, actually), I am feeling really good about my running miles and good about my swim miles.

I am confident.

Even though my peak week looked like taper week.

Even though my husband said that this weekend the pollen is going to go off the charts (remember, this woman has allergy/pollen-induced asthma).

Even though with all of this sitting my back hurts badly enough that the first 15% bending over I need assistance.

Even though I had to go to the hospital in Cruces last week due to my asthma.

Even though I have gained probably eight pounds this month thanks to awesome food, lots of conference-butt-time, and not enough working out.

I thought about not doing it.  For about 20 minutes.  In the end, the whole point of Triathlon–for me–is to move.  To finish.  To challenge myself.  If I cancel and stay home, I’ll just sit on my butt grading exams and papers.  I will regret my decision and forever wonder how I could have done.

Nope, I have to do this thing.  And honestly?  It’s a bigger deal that I will finish than those skinny people who will place in front of me.  Put a fat suit on them and see if they can go as fast as me.  I bet they couldn’t!

So.  There.

And I’m going to enjoy myself, too!  Maybe I’ll even take a camera with me and shoot some photos along the race.  I’ll take Transventure’s advice and just have fun!

FORECAST:

I’m not used to seeing such pleasantries.  It will be a shock to my system!

Las Cruces

Goodness me, the weather is beautiful here!  A big cycling town at a higher elevation than ours, I could imagine living here.

I got up early Friday morning and ran on the treadmill.  My asthma sent me to the hospital on Thursday evening to make sure I could get a treatment if needed.  I didn’t have to, but was close on Thursday evening.  My inhaler is my salvation.  I didn’t even realize that people could die from asthma, I guess I really didn’t take it seriously enough–but now I do.

So yesterday at 6:30, I hit the inhaler.  By 7:00am, I hit 2.6 miles (at 12:00), walked .15, then ran another .5 mile (at 10:00).  Total with WU/CD 4 miles.  Not bad for being WAY behind the training game this week.

Sadly, I’m a little sore today.  Not good.  This tells me something important.

In the meantime, I have had the most amazing, wonderful and rewarding time here at the History conference reconnecting with friends and meeting new ones.

Tomorrow, I get up and run again.  Shower, pack, and head for home.  Hopefully weather will cooperate.  In the meantime, here is one little story from yesterday and a few photographs.

Heard a cat fight last night going to the car. Pretty soon, from behind the bushes, out runs the fighting duo right in front of me. Not liking violence, i make a couple startling noises to break it up. It worked. Then i realized the pursuer was a small fox! The cat made a big arc around the parking lot then ran back toward the bushy area–probably toward its home–as the fox watched, and then pursued again. What a beautiful little fox! What a treat! And right in the middle of town.

Coyote skull found at the Point of Rocks

Point of Rocks

I took these photographs with my iphone (I didn’t bring the big guns).  My Olympus died just as I reached the top.  This is called the “Point of Rocks” and is an important landmark along the Camino Real de Tierra Adentro Royal Road to the interior (province of New Mexico).  The road, originally opened in 1598 by the Spanish who permanently settled New Mexico (*BEFORE* the English at Jamestown), served as a lifeline to the Spanish communities at San Juan, then later Santa Fe from 1598 through early 1880s when the railroad was finished.

The portion of the trail we saw today, the Jornada del Muerto (Journey of the Dead Man) is a 90 mile stretch of desert with only three springs or locations where they could find water.  Traveling along the Rio Grande was too dangerous and difficult–so they cut off several days by traveling this Jornada (great legend about that!).

I will miss this beautiful place!  Looking forward to returning to my “normal” life, though, and training regularly again.  My first outdoor triathlon of the season is in 8 days.  Hopefully it will not snow.

Quick Run? I think not . . .

I headed out the door for a quick run.  It was already 7:30am and the first presentation was at 9:30.  Plenty of time to run a mile, shower, eat some breakfast, and get to the session on time.

Nope.

I forgot the glory of running in a desert clime.  No sweating.  Barely a drop.  It dries before it has a chance to run down my brow and into my eyes, or down my temple tickling the front of my ears.  Nope, none of that.

And the flowers.  The flowers are blooming all over the place.  And the sky was so deep blue.  And the everything was gorgeous and desert-y.  I miss living in New Mexico so much.

I just couldn’t do one mile.

So I ran until I ran out of time.  Not until I was tired.  Not until I couldn’t breathe (my asthma is triggered by juniper-guess what’s pollinating right now in the desert?).  Not until my legs were screaming.  Nope.

I ran until I saw my new friend, Duffie, heading over to give her talk.  The one I wanted to hear.

Had I really been running almost an hour (with three little .05 breaks to calm my asthma)?

I looked at my Garmin:  4.5 miles?

Holy moly!  I haven’t done more than 4 miles since I first started trying to run in 2006!  Yup.  And my FitBit counted every step today.  Almost 20,000 for the day.  Also a record.  Banner day.

This evening I spent with my new friend Duffie from Flagstaff.  Fabulous greek meal and long chat.  We have so much in common.  She loves cycling (she has five bikes, each of them with names–and was happy to hear I named my bikes, too).  She loves dogs–has two rescues.  Volunteers at one of my favorite charities every year:  Best Friends.  She loves walking.  She cannot sit too long.  She loves the out-of-doors.  And, of course, loves interviewing people and hearing their stories.

It’s now just 12 hours before I head back home.  I had a great time, did a lot of walking, had an awesome run in the beautiful desert, and made many new and wonderful friends.  Including the woman who wanted my autograph and a photograph of me to put inside my book that she won at the silent auction.  I did accidentally leave my Oakley’s in the Alumni Center–but that’s a small price to pay for an awesome day, I suppose.  Perhaps I’ll get them back.  If I don’t, that’s okay.  Maybe someone else needs them more than I do.

I did have to take a break from the conference to regain my breathing in the late afternoon, but over all, this was an awesome day!

Only after I took this photo did I see all of the bees. And I didn’t have my epi-pen!

Looking forward to getting home and getting some seat time on Pinkie!

Reflections . . .

Good morning everyone!  I was just thinking about my very first Triathlon (2008) and how hard it was raining.  This is a photo of me (I’m way back by the white spot in the far background.  I couldn’t see the shore from there. . .  Here’s hoping I won’t have to race in weather like that again!  Tornados the night before within one mile of the course.  Water so deep from the continued rains that they had to cancel the bike portion–too dangerous.  Water running over our feet as we did the run portion.

Totally worth it!  Because I finished.

That’s my awesome sister, who did a half Ironman the following year.

My number, incidentally, was 360.  Appropriate.  My life, thanks to my divorce just a few years before (after 17.5 years of marriage to a kind person, but a pathological liar and somewhat of a gambler–too much for my tastes), caused me to do a 180.  Right after the divorce–as in days–I bought a tent, nice bicycle (Trek Pilot 2.1 WSD), and a kayak.  Three things I had given up over the past 20 years (camping, cycling, and paddlesports/sailing).  I finally figured out how to live alone, with me.  I saw all of my annoying habits and learned to alter some of them.  I realized that Single Life could be a very good thing.  I had more money than I ever had (his gambling).  I had a Single Party to celebrate my new life, not that I was all that happy about being alone, but because we celebrate such things as unions–why not disunions?  I planted a Copper River Birch tree in the backyard to celebrate my new life and had a raffle of a wedding gift we had never used (still in the original box, and it even had the wedding card, too!):  a set of glass cookware.

But I still hadn’t discovered myself.  Before I got married, I was very athletic.  I played softball, was on the gymnastics, basketball, volleyball, and track teams (I did *not* do running events, and still remember hurling after being forced to run 600 yards).  Except for softball, I really didn’t do anything.  Sure, I kept going to the gym to work out, but I had nothing else.  So, I started training for a triathlon in 2008 by relearning how to swim.

I was awful.  I had to stop halfway across the pool because in 25 strokes, I still hadn’t made it but halfway.  Now I glide along at 10-11 strokes regularly.

But I finished my first triathlon in 2008.  I had done, in fact, a 360 with my life.  I had found myself.  So yes, 360?  Very appropriate.

Today,  just 4.5 years after that first Triathlon, I swam 1600 yards for my workout without stopping.  I’ve gone 1.5 miles before, but today, 1600 felt really good.  Slow, but good.  My numbers keep going up and I feel like I’m finally getting close to achieving the me I want to achieve.

It’s been a journey, and it will continue being a journey.  It is so nice to know I have an amazingly supportive husband, family, and friends.  And awesome blogfriends that write posts that motivate me beyond my wildest dreams.  Keep them coming folks, you keep me alive and motivated!

I hope that your week is going as wonderfully as mine.

And please, Spring, come see us all.

Four Year Comparison

Here are my numbers from the last few years v. this year as of March 18.  Note,  2010 was the last year that I competed in and completed the Ironman Challenge at the gym, so my numbers look pretty good–at least for the cycling portion, eh?

Swim 2010:  2.27 miles (as of March 15)
Swim 2011:  .48 miles (as of March 20)
Swim 2012:  5.72 miles
Swim 2013:  6.48 miles

Bike 2010:  123.8 miles (as of March 15)
Bike 2011:  106.54 miles (as of March 20)
Bike 2012:  89.11 miles
Bike 2013:  110.68 miles

Run 2010:  30.02 miles (as of March 15)
Run 2011:  31.47 miles (as of March 20)
Run 2012:  27.31 miles
Run 2013:  55.27 miles

Holy moly!  I feel good about these numbers!

First (and Last) Weekend Free!

It’s Spring Break here, and I couldn’t be happier.

We were supposed to visit my husband’s daughter south of the North Woods, but they were expecting nasty weather so we stayed home.  Yesterday I dug out my home office and old emails.  I also tried to resolve a problem with my flat screen monitor (does anyone have anything else these days?)  Sometimes a 2″ wide horizontal swath across the top portion of my monitor is a little “off”–as in, all of the vertical lines in letters separate a pixel from each other so that it’s like reading with slight double vision.  I keep trying to take a screen shot, but just clicking on the Start Button to get the “snipping tool” up causes the letters to realign.  I have tried everything, and nothing works.  It’s a constant annoyance (I’ve tried recalibrating the monitor, run the Dell diagnostics-passed-, search online for articles, run Norton Internet Security and my Spybot progams.  Nothing.  I will take suggestions.  Please.  It’s driving me batty.  Yesterday I had to take a break and my honey and I took Dulce on a speed walk–the only kind she knows.

In the meantime, today honey and I headed over for our swim.  I just went 1100 yards, and they were rather slow yards.  I remembered my inhaler this time, but my tennis elbow has returned.  I pushed through the swim anyway.  I did 5×200, and the middle set, tried to keep up with my husband in the next lane.  He generally swims a 2:00 200, while I’m still in the 2:07-2:10 range by the end.  I did keep up with him, so that made me feel pretty good.  Sometimes I need “competition”–even though he didn’t know I was competing.

Funny, right when I was finishing, some guy got into the lane next to my husband and sure enough, my boy picked up his pace for his next 200 yards, dropping down to probably sub 2:00 200s.  Cute.  We had a little race going.  Just like me not 200 yards before.

This is why it’s good to swim, run, or bike with people.  Nothing like a little friendly competition–even if the other person has no idea. . .

On the sad Sandra news front:  this is the first time I’ve ever signed up for an event and DNF.  The Ironman Challenge.  Even though it turned out we did not head north, I gave up too soon and did not finish my bike or running miles.  I’m really disappointed in myself to say the very least.

On the sad Hubby news front:  his Garmin 910xt quit today.  Grrrr.  Online folks have suggested sending it back to REI for a new one (with a 1 year warranty) v. back to Garmin for a refurb with a 90-day warranty.  Great idea!  Too bad Garmin isn’t better at customer service–thank goodness for REI.

In the meantime, I wish you all a wonderful final day of winter.  Now, winter, go away.   I love you, but I don’t want  you to ruin my 5k this Saturday!

[I love this image!]